Overview

The vast majority of Autistic women are diagnosed in adulthood, which means their stories often go unheard. Too often, discussions about autism focus on its challenges or the perspective of parents who frame autism from a place of their suffering, or as a condition that has stolen their child. What is crucial, however, is hearing from Autistic individuals themselves, allowing those who live with autism to shape its narrative.

Niki Bonfield's journey mirrors that of many Autistic women. In her book, Bonfield shares her childhood experiences from the perspective of an undiagnosed Autistic child, navigating a chaotic and bewildering world without the intuitive rulebook everyone else seemed to possess.

She mastered the art of masking, imitating others, memorising social scripts, and becoming the person others expected her to be. The burden of this facade was immense, as the book delves into the often unspoken challenges faced by undiagnosed Autistic women, from relationship conflict causing shutdowns, intense struggles with unfamiliar environments or situations (such as travelling to foreign places) to the subsequent need to control as many details as possible in order to cope. Niki also explores her journey with religion, where she felt out of place, and the sensory overload caused by everyday noises. Motherhood brought further challenges, from an overwhelming hospital birth to postpartum depression, and seeing autism traits in her child that mirrored her own.

Many Autistic individuals have had these kinds of traumatic experiences dismissed by therapists unfamiliar with the nuances of minority cultures. Drawing from her expertise as a counsellor, Bonfield highlights problematic and damaging therapeutic experiences with therapists ill-equipped to work with Autistic adults.

In a uniquely Autistic style, the author weaves together autobiographical narratives, poetry, and her own artwork, creating a rich tapestry that is both personal and enlightening. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking to better understand the Autistic experience and integrate this into their personal or professional relationships.

Book Details

Book Review: Fragmented yet whole: Embracing neurodivergence, healing, and self-discovery
Author: Niki Bonfield
Publisher: Green Hill Publishing
Publication Date: 4 June 2025
Pages: 199
ISBN-10: 1923443542
ISBN-13: 978-1923443549
Link to the book